KRENIK-RAYMOND

Raymond J Krenik, Sr came from St Paul, MN. His mother died while he was young. He joined the Navy and so was already in the Navy when World War ll started. He was actually on the USS Enterprise off of Hawaii when the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor in December, 1941. He was aboard the USS Enterprise carrier as part of the famous Doolittle Raid that bombed Tokyo at the beginning of the war. He worked as a sheet metal mechanic on board the Enterprise.The Big E book is most helpful to knowing what that was like. I appreciate the work of Edward Stafford to see what fighting the Japanese in WW2 was like. Being so much a part of war affected him. After the war, he took photos for the Navy, including aerial shots of the USS Marshall off San Diego in May of 1953, right before I was born, while the Korean war was still going on. He then worked as a photographer in civil service. He was very German and believed that fighting was often necessary and always justified. Fighting was in his nature. But it seemed to really be about the loss of his mother when he was 7, more than anything else. His anger and blame killed all potential for love that existed. He wanted and desparately needed appreciation for what he did...all the while creating the OPPOSITE of that. Germans enjoy teasing and ridiculing others, which in some way expresses affection...but not good for fathering, whatsoever. He lived in idealism and make-believe. A person with an agenda, simply CANNOT see things as they ARE! He loved to make my truth into a lie for his entertainment. In German, this is known as Schadenfreude. He considered my truth to be a toy he could destroy...just becasue he COULD. This attitude had the effect on me of being a spiritual wrecking ball. I was basically drafted into, another war....with him. My eariest memories are of this emotional torture and reality inversion and continual resistance to it.

However, recognition should be given him for sucess and achievemnt, his role and the role of the USS Enterprise in WW2!!! Only in the summer of 2009, did I appreciate the extreme difficulty that the war HAD on him. He raised our family in Hayward and San Diego after the war in the 1960s. He used to buy our family food at the Navy commissary on the Hunters Point Navy base where he worked at NRDL until it was closed. He used to buy groceries in the commisary there and then, at the end of the day, drive back with them, back to our house that he bought for us in Hayward. We also bought food at the commissary on the NAS Alameda, where the Doolittle raid to bomb Japan left from...only a FEW years earlier!!! I was connected to all of that history...right where I was and THROUGH MY FATHER, and just never KNEW!! He took us to Squaw Valley in 1960, only 15 years after the end of WW2!! I remember the beauty of Squaw Valley but knew NOTHING of the ugliness of what had just recently happened in the world and the bitter struggle for survival that so many in my parents generation were just in....fairly recently. Also, to Playland near The Cliff House later. He TRIED to share HIS love-potential with us in this way!! However, by this time, I could not see any love........how would I? There was too much noise and not enough signal.

He loved to build things out of wood in the garage after work. This really demonstrated his German craftmanship very well. He joined a flying club where he flew us around on trips, like to Disneyland. We had to land and wait for the weather many times along the way. Like him, I liked aviation, from being with him as he personally flew airplanes... going on trips with him. He paid for and sent me to Moreau HS, a Catholic Boys school in Hayward. He paid for my experience in the Boy Scouts. When NRDL closed he had to find a new job to support his family and so found work at the Navy Undersea Center in San Diego. We moved there. There is a long and rich history of the US Navy in San Diego. He supported us everyday, everywhere, no matter what. I lived in San Diego until I finished high school there. He was a member of the Enterprise Association. I attended an Enterprise Association ship-mate reunion in Long Beach with him once. I found his name on an Enterprise ship muster list once which made his reality in WW ll very meaningful and real to me. We went to Patriotism rallies. I have to honor this patriotism he had. He took us to bullfights in Mexico, because THAT was also important to him as well. Most things I experienced there were very embarrassing to me, the result some kind of an illusion that did not work or some need not being met. Illusions cause suffering. If you do not make a study of truth, illusion will make a study of YOU!!! People like him know always know WHAT to do, however, very seldom do they know...WHY they are doing it. He was confused on who the enemy was...it should not have been ME!

I believe he wanted to know the greater purpose of life. He had a task from heaven, a purpose which was fulfilled...much to my surprise....in creating ME. He tried in some way to discover God and to have a relationship with Truth develop...by attending St Joachims church. He actually had some intention and or effort at a religious practice. I can only speculate how his relationship with God developed as much frustration, meaninglessness and emptiness existed. This became more apparent later. He did not ever relate to the truth of me very well....either. He did not seem very certain of himself later on. However, he became very genuine and sincere the week before he died. He really, really did not know himself and certainly could no know ME without knowing himself first. For him, the illusions of life became much greater than the reality that God gave us.

I love ceremonies and monuments. I find the Navy Memorial, in Wash, DC. is a very wonderful place to honor Navy veterans like my father. Its very, very good that every single year Navy TV has an annual laying of the wreath for the remaining Midway survivors who fought the Japanese. That was a great turning point for them, then. This helps me honor all those who have given to me and be able to understand them. Only NOW am I able to.... totally APPRECIATE the difficulty that the war was on you, dad. I just stopped hating the way he treated me and began appreciating him...on Sept 10, 2009. This freed me from the war I was having with HIM all these years. It does not matter who starts the war.

He is teaching me about compassion better than ANYONE. Even though he had little compassion and lived a totally impossible way of life, I am learning more about compassion from him than any one. Because of it, really. He ALWAYS provided for us in the best way he knew. I am here because of HIM. I never, ever saw these things before! He died of lung cancer and a broken spirit on January 16, 2000. He was my father. I need to be proud of him and appreciate him....and myself. He was my connection to GOD and the only Reality there is. Even though so very hard for ME to see and recognize with him, there was love there for me...and so I can now start to accept this love that was offered me....so very long ago. Love, it turns out, is most valid, most important and most necessary. The father wound needs healing. The father needs healing. The veterans need healing. My realization that love exists allows the Phoenix to rise eventually out of smouldering ashes of much, much destruction and fire. Fire can be dangerous. Authority should not betray. It should make sense.

My father and me could just never, ever connect or bond. I am grateful to WW 2 Veterans, like Leigh L. Klotz, Sr., who have helped me connect with and understand what life was like for my dad and the generation of WW2. .and their suffering. This connection and understanding is very, very good for me. I finally have love, praise, validation, appreciation, and approval which has been greatly, greatly missing . I can now begin to feel pride and appreciation for myself....at the same time as for my father.